Today on my run I was struggling to find music to set the mood. I have been working on speed lately and I needed songs with an upbeat tempo, but something I haven’t heard a zillion times already. I get bored with the same songs, that is why I also don’t just rely on a downloaded playlist. I use free music listening services like Pandora, Amazon Music, and Google Play to switch it up. My struggle to find music this morning got me to thinking about how music has always been a part of my life.
When I was a small child, I would sing in front of the congregation at church with my parents and siblings. I grew up singing in church choirs and school choirs and I still like to sing, but I really enjoy listening to music. I have a rather eclectic taste in music, everything from Rap to Country and all the genres in between. You will always find me listening to music, and more often than not, I will be singing along at the top of my lungs.
Often when I hear a song it takes me back to a certain moment in my life. There are the Jewel, Hanson and Spice Girl songs that take me to the summer of 1997 and hanging with my Kings Island crew. Then there are the songs that remind me of when I was going through cancer treatment that all seemed to be about struggles in life and overcoming. Songs when my husband and I almost got divorced that all seemed to be about moving on and things ending. Then there are the cheesy wedding songs from 90’s hairbands and Ricky Martin that make me laugh and think of fun, silly times and what a party our wedding was.
Now I am sure there were songs about other subject matters during those times, but the songs that I related to in those moments were the songs I gravitated to, and the same songs that I remember years later.
The last moments I spent with my father before he passed last November, he was nonresponsive in a hospital bed, in the living room of his home. The evening before he passed, each family member present, had some alone time to say their goodbyes and share anything on their mind. I shared with him how I remember being a little girl and singing in church as a family and how much that meant to me. I then sang a song to my dad called “How Excellent is Thy Name Oh Lord” that we had sung in the church over 30 years ago. I still can’t believe I remembered the lyrics from my childhood or that I could even belt them out through the tears of knowing this was my goodbye to my father.
A few days before this moment, my dad called me with “Butterfly Kisses” playing in the background, the song we danced to on my wedding day. He told me how much he loved me and that he had spent the day reminiscing and was feeling regret for the father he was. My dad was an awesome father and instead of allowing him to feel defeated we talked about the wonderful memories we had, in particular, the special time we shared together on my wedding day. “Butterfly Kisses” triggered a moment of happiness and celebration for my dad when he was feeling sad and pained.
Although some of the songs, especially in regards to the stories about my dad, could be wrapped with sadness when I hear those songs now, I remember that moment in time and celebrate! When it comes to my dad, I celebrate because I got to have those last conversations, sing him that last song, celebrate him as a father and be present when he passed.
So please don’t stop the music, I want to continue to celebrate! I want to celebrate my connection to those moments in time through song, whether good or bad because those moments existed and every moment matters.
